i’ve been thinking and praying through this post for several weeks now. i’ve hesitated sharing some of these thoughts because i wanted to make sure i honored Christ and help others with what is written. i know of several people who are battling cancer and other disorienting diseases and in no way wanted to come across as insensitive.

it is important that we do not attempt to draw a uniform application from what the Lord may do in one circumstance assuming it is exactly what He’ll do in every circumstance. that simply is not the case. in John 21:18, Jesus tells peter how he will one day die; yet, He encourages peter that he will glorify God as a result. but then peter turns his attention to john in verse 21. he asks, “Lord, what about this man?” and Jesus replied, “if it is my will that he remain until i come, what is that to you? you follow me!” (v. 22). this is the rub. Jesus’ plan for peter was different from his plan for john. Jesus did not want peter to become preoccupied with His plan for another. church history tells us that john outlived peter although neither man died comfortably. john most probably died alone exiled on an island. peter most probably died by way of an upside down crucifixion. both men honored God though they walked two different paths, which is the goal of all things.

several months ago, my wife noticed some odd looking spots on my right shoulder blade. she advised me to go see a dermatologist. i thought i had better things to do, so i didn’t prioritize it. had we still been in new orleans, that would probably still have been the case. however, the day we moved to bham, i got a phone call from david wilson. he and his wife have shown kim and i incredible hospitality. we live in their two bedroom, basement apartment. he called to tell me that he had been diagnosed with malignant melanoma. since then, he went in for surgery and has received a very positive report.

well, that prompted my incredible, servant-minded wife to take it upon herself and schedule me for an appointment. i went in about a week later. the doctor immediately cut off the three suspicious spots. the next day, kim and i boarded a plane for boston. i didn’t think about my doctor visit, until they called with the results. one of the spots was in fact malignant melanoma. that discovery caused me to do much reflection and self-examination. as soon as i returned, i went in and the doctor made a four inch incision on my right shoulder blade and cut it out.

i knew melanoma was bad. but i didn’t realize how bad until the doc said that had i waited six months, i would’ve died. i’ll go in for check ups every three months for the next year and every six months after that.

i’ve titled this entry “the ministry of melanoma” because that is exactly what its been for me. the Lord has used this entire process to produce some of the most profound changes in my life. He’s used melanoma to teach me truths about providence, dependency, humility, urgency, and eternity, the implications of which i may not have been able to internalize otherwise.

i’ve never felt my dependency upon God more than i have during this time. when something like cancer shows up in your body, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. you feel helpless. all you can do is trust God’s wise, providential, and fatherly care, taking refuge in the fact that He is sovereign over all the cells of our bodies–good or bad (Col. 1:15-20). God does not simply rule over suffering; He rules through suffering. God’s not just benevolent while walking with one beside still waters, but while leading us through dark valleys (Ps. 23). for me, the Lord saw fit to orchestrate events in such a way that my melanoma was caught and eradicated. for that i am very grateful and have been very humbled. i know that’s not how every story ends.

so as i move forward, i am trying my best to do so faithfully. i want to use the time i’m given to honor Christ. i do not want to be surprised by cancer one day and think–what have i done with my life? i want to be able to echo paul and say that i have fought the good fight of faith. i want to finish strong. this is true whether the Lord gives me another week or another thirty or forty years.

the Lord is breaking me of the sin of presumption. i do not want to presume that i will be alive tomorrow. i had the pleasure of traveling with my pastor, david platt, to capitol hill baptist church recently. i was able to feed on the crumbs from mark dever’s table for a few days. one thing that struck me was the lack of presumption in the lives of those i met. every sentence geared toward the future was qualified by the statement “if the Lord wills.” that’s what i mean by a lack of presumption. all of life should be qualified by that phrase. by not presuming into the future, one is able to redeem the present. the Lord has used melanoma to minister that truth to my life.

the Lord has also used melanoma to make me more sensitive to the suffering of others. i can’t explain the deep stir of emotions that well up every time i hear the word cancer or tumor. my prayer life has changed. i give a larger percentage of time in prayer interceding for those who are sick and suffering. i do ask God to heal them, for i know He is able. in any case, i pray that their faith in Christ would be fortified and that their affections for Christ would be amplified.

ultimately, the ministry of melanoma has drawn my gaze to the beauty of the Gospel. one day i will die, but through the Gospel, i know that in that moment i’ll exit a world plagued by cancer and enter a world filled with the pleasure of Christ. all because God in Christ entered the world, lived a life of perfect obedience, died in my place on the cross, rose from the grave conquering sin, satan, and death, and ascended to the right hand of the Father guaranteeing the recreation of all things. because of the Gospel, my future is hopeful whether my days on earth are many or few.

so until that day comes, i want to redeem the present by bearing witness to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. our mortality this side of heaven or hell is inescapable. let us not presume otherwise. in the end, we will either make much of God’s saving grace or the justice of His wrath. i want to spend whatever time i am given calling people to gaze upon the beauty of Christ, desiring sin to be forsaken and the Son to be exalted. in so doing, we will walk well into eternity.

walking,

andrew