One indisputable condition for following Christ is that it must be free from conditions. No one who truly follows Christ can qualify their followship. Jesus isn’t someone we bargain with to become his disciples. He isn’t a peddler of stolen goods on the streets of New York with whom we can negotiate.  He is the God of all creation who says forsake all for the sake of all. A true disciple cannot say, “Okay, I’ll follow you, Jesus, in that direction but not that direction.” Or, “I’ll follow you, Jesus, under these conditions.” To approach Jesus in such a way would be absurd.

As I prayerfully consider planting a church, the biggest concern I have at the moment is where I should plant. I am asking Christ to lead me in the direction He would have me go.

What if Jesus wants to send me where I do not initially or naturally want to go? What if He wants to send me not to a flashy city, which is all the rave in church planting today, but to an obscure community that may result in an obscure ministry? Would I be willing to go in that direction? What if He wants to send me not to a place where people can easily be gathered for a so-called worship service but to a place where people do not have any cultural affinity for the church? What if He wants to send me to a place where people are perfectly content, and have been for decades, with life without church?

What if He wants to send me to a place where there are not enough Christians to siphon off from other churches in the community and the first worship gathering consists of me, my wife, and my new baby? (yes, if you haven’t already heard, Kim’s 9 weeks pregnant!). Or, to a place that is far from my parents, sisters, nieces and nephews? Or, to a people who do not fit my preferred demographic?

This entire journey is causing me to do some serious self-examination. I must confess that I do not always like what I am finding. The question dominating the process is “Am I too full of my self to follow my Savior?”

The Lord brought this question to my attention while meditating on Acts 20:24. There, Paul writes, “But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.” In these words, Paul exposes his heart to the Ephesian elders who were trying to talk him into staying in Ephesus. They worried that if he went to Jerusalem, he would be persecuted. Where they did not want to give up their beloved leader, Paul did not want to forsake his beloved Savior. He had one mission in mind. He desired to be found faithful with the gospel. If that meant going to Jerusalem rather than staying in Ephesus then that’s what he wanted to do. Following Christ even to his death meant more to him than pleasing people, even those he loved dearly. The chapter ends with an intensely emotional departure.

In the end, Paul did not stay in Ephesus because he was not too full to follow Christ. He did not consider himself indispensable to the people of Ephesus. Nor did he consider himself too important to take risks for the sake of the gospel.

One reason why some people do not risk more to make disciples of all nations, particularly those serving as leadership in churches, is because they do not share Paul’s attitude.  Instead, they consider their lives very valuable and very precious to themselves and to everyone else. They’re not willing to go to Jerusalem and die. That would cut their ministry short and maybe limit the reach of their influence. Rather than being full of the Spirit and faithful to the call, they’re full of themselves and faithful to the crowds.

This is why I so admire Jim Elliot, a 28-year-old missionary martyr. Elliot believed Jesus wanted him to take the gospel to an unreached people group in Ecuador. When he began to tell friends, followers, and family members, they objected to his conclusion. They tried to talk him into staying in North America where he would no doubt become an influential pastor of a big church. Some even suggested he could become as influential and famous as Billy Graham was in the process of becoming at the time. Elliot was an incredibly gifted man. He possessed some remarkable gifts in leadership and preaching. So, many discouraged his decision to go elsewhere, thinking he would waste his gifts.

But Elliot refused to consider himself as indispensable as many others had come to consider him. After reading through Ecclesiastes one day, he wrote, “Let me read this passage when I get hungering after civilizations, excitements, and excesses in some lonely place. Take counsel, then, my soul, the whole of life is vanity, and you would be no happier in brighter atmospheres. Woe and loneliness may be miserable but hollow happiness and many in a crowd are much more so.” Faithfulness to the call of Christ and His gospel meant more to him than than any other possible endeavor. If he thought otherwise, he would have stayed in America surrounded by agreeable admirers, rather than risking and eventually losing his young life at the end of an Indian’s spear. Had he done so, an entire generation within an unreached people group would have remained unreached.

I do not know for certain where Christ will lead me to plant a church. I believe one reason why he has not disclosed the exact location with convincing clarity is because He is conforming my character. He desires to empty myself of my self so that I might be filled with Himself. He is working to produce within me Paul’s perspective, so that whether He sends me to Boston, MA or to Bastrop, LA, I can go faithfully.

One cannot be full of self and follow Christ faithfully at the same time. The self will always desire decisions that will serve its inflation rather than its deflation. Yet, Christ alone is worthy to be exalted in our lives. Paul loved Jesus and did not consider himself too valuable or his life too precious to follow Him. I pray that I will be the same way for I do not want to be too full to follow Christ.

walking,
Andrew